Suzie Formally Crowned SLPL Regular Season Champ

12/05/09 04:34 PM

By Pedregoso Rios
In the following, Santa Lechuga Power League Commissioner Rube Furrow (aka Joe Livernois) formally crowns Suzie Rochellle the 2009 Regular Season Champion and announces a big change for 2010 to try to get our Aussie family and friends to join the league.

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Happy Halloween!

10/31/09 08:33 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
I’m not sure who let this loose in the wild, but after 40 years of watching them in the mirror I’m relieved that the rest of the world can finally see my mad moves:

Happy Halloween!

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You Just Hope It Lets Up

10/25/09 08:36 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
And with yesterday’s postponement of the American League Championship Series...

I just hope the Angels can postpone the end of the League Championship Series today by forcing a Game 7.

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My Season

10/10/09 09:17 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
A metaphor for the way my season went:

And like our hero in the video, I’ll just hop back up and keep going next season.

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Best. Call. Of. The. Year.

10/06/09 09:20 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
While we’re sitting around waiting for the Regular Season to end, it’s worth listening to the single best call of the season. Check this out:

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Soccer Bull

09/24/09 07:44 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
When we were young and stupid, we used to do this at the bullring in Mexicali. Except instead of a soccer ball we used to kick empty beer cans. And we used to get gored. A lot.

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Maybe You Should Get A Dog

09/23/09 07:58 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Speaking of animals...

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Consolation

09/16/09 07:26 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Courtesy of Sue Klinkhamer, owner of A Team to be Named Later... and the Natsox, here's something Chicago Bears fans are passing around in an effort to try to console each other after last Sunday's devastating loss the Green Bear Packers:

Of course, I'm not sure how rerminding people that all their glories are in the past provides any real consolation, but maybe that's just me.

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Kevin's Korner: Did You Say Hoe?

09/09/09 08:17 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
So Rosemary Lumpkin called the police because her underage 15-year-old daughter has been stripping at Playmates in Cocoa, Florida. Naturally the media gets a hold of the story and decides to visit the house for an interview when the cameraman is attacked by the girl's grandma ... with a hoe! Oh, sweet irony!

Editor's Note: We've since uncovered this second report, which shows an alternate camera angle of the incident. If I'm that cameraman, it's at the 0:14 mark that I'm thrilled that the camera was there to protect my melon.

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Prince Bowls 'Em Over

09/08/09 08:02 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
San Francisco Giants fans won't like this, but this is my favorite home run celebration in quite some time. It took the entire team to make it work.

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Worthy

09/03/09 06:37 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
This is long but fascinating and worthy.

Derren Brown Trick or Treat Season 2 Episode 6 from Wouterk on Vimeo.

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Some Of The Stupidest Things..., Part 3

08/22/09 09:24 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
...make me giggle.

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Rube's Favorite Monkeys: Alcoholic Vervet Monkeys

08/20/09 08:09 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
My favorite line, and the line that Commissioner Rube Furrow has apparently taken to heart, is: “After each daily raid, other human parallels soon appear. But unlike us, monkeys that are heavy drinkers make better leaders, respected by other monkeys. They seem to tolerate leaders who monkey around.”

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Some Of The Stupidest Things..., Take 2

08/19/09 08:04 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
...bring me joy.

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Kevin's Korner: Real Man Of Genius

08/18/09 07:00 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
So obviously you haven't heard from me in a while. Don't worry, I did not get angry and abandon the league because I just can't seem to catch up to Dodger Blue no matter what move I make. I was out of town for work and extremely busy to boot.

In honor of my extended absence due to work, I thought I would give you all a link so that you could waste some time there. Here are 40 of the Budweiser Real Men of Genius ads. I knew they made a lot of these but I had not heard half of them. Just a warning, you cannot click on just a couple as I thought would happen when I stumbled upon these ... the next thing you know it will be an hour later and you have listened to all of them. Enjoy!

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Some Of The Stupidest Things...

08/17/09 08:37 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
...make me the happiest.

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Friendly Confines, My A**!

08/13/09 11:50 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Speaking of the Bleacher Bums, here’s video of the incident:

Remember the days when Bleacher Bums were lovable losers rather than just a**holes? Then again, if Moises Alou were in that Phillies uniform, I’d support the beer-throwing incident 100 percent.

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Beatrix Kiddo Would Be Proud

08/10/09 08:13 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
I wonder if it’s a Hanzo Hattori sword?

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The Filly Feud!

08/04/09 08:02 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Do you think the Booyah Network has enough self-awareness to know The Onion is busting on them about their needless over-production, pointless swooshing noises, and vapid commentary? Nah. Probably not.

Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight Title

BTW, I particularly like the “Steam Room.”

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Lego Arcade

08/03/09 08:14 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Just ‘cuz.

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Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters!

07/31/09 07:36 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
We don’t usually bring you the classics here on this blog, but this here is a different kind of classic:

(This one’s for league friend, Missy, who may not consider us friends after watching this. )

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Mark Buehrle's Top 10 on Letterman

07/29/09 08:16 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Worthy.

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Kevin's Korner: This Is What A Marsupial/Stroke Would Do

07/21/09 08:40 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
Check out this stroke, apparently impersonating a marsupial, chipping his teeth. Diving into a pool the size of a postage stamp and as deep as Megan Fox ... what could go wrong there??? (Language NSFW.)

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How Not to Jump Into a Pool - Watch more Funny Videos

I love how, with a straight face, he seems surprised that he actually hit the floor of a pool that can't be over three feet deep. A couple inches to the left or right and we might have had another Darwin Award winner. However, something tells me this won't be his last submission.

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Kevin's Korner: Future Darwin Award-Winner On Two Wheels

07/10/09 07:35 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
This is sweet! You have to sit through two quasi-attempts before the payoff. I am guessing a ton of alcohol helped this guy feel better.

Lake Bike Jump Goes Very Wrong - Watch more Funny Videos

After viewing many videos like this I love how the person operating the camera always laughs the loudest.

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Open A Banana Like A Monkey

07/09/09 07:35 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Speaking of bananas...

I think this guy way overstates the difficulty of opening a banana the old way, but this is still interesting. And I’m laying good odds that Commissioner Rube Furrow already knew how to do this:

BTW, I’d be more impressed if the dude came up with a quick way to open the hard plastic they use to package small electronics.

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New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

07/05/09 08:54 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
I thought they already did this, too:

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A Galaxie 500 Tradition

07/04/09 08:38 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Once a year I link to this song ... and am again reminded just how much I love this damn thing:

I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit
And your dog refused to look at it
So I got drunk and looked at the Empire State Building
It was no bigger than a nickel

(You’ll have to forgive Stacy, Rebecca and the crew for getting the artist and the song wrong. I like the loopy Wayne and Garth feel, though.)

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Kevin's Korner: That's One Way To Kick Off The July 4th Weekend

07/03/09 07:26 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
WORST. NATIONAL. ANTHEM. EVER!

His fellow police officers trying not to laugh too hard is the best part...other than him butchering the song so bad.

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Kevin's Corner: Catcher, Meet Runner. Runner, Meet Catcher.

07/01/09 08:45 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
The Top 10 non-MLB home plate collisions...sweet! They are all entertaining, but here are the best three (with an honorable mention going to the catcher in #1 because she ended up losing two teeth...but did not hang onto the ball).

#8: A sweet collision from a high school game that provoked a bench clearing brawl (which is on the video). If I was the guy who was called out at home and the catcher did that to me he would not be able to play for a very long time (assuming I could get my hands on him during the brawl). The team in purple won the game on a walk-off grand slam. (Editor’s Note: This one’s interesting if only because the guy who edited the video appears to think we can’t follow the action unless he keeps showing clips to us again and again. And what’s with starting the music so deep into the clip?)

High School Baseball - Home plate collision & Bench clearing bra - Watch more Funny Videos

#7: During a promotional race at a minor league game, two Boy Scouts arrive at home plate at the exact same moment for a perfect collision. I love how the PA announcer emphatically states "it's a tie!" as the kids are still writhing around in pain. (Editor’s Note: I quite enjoy the suspense, thinking the pitcher’s going to bean a kid with a warmup toss. And I can’t stop watching the catcher’s classic goalie move where he tries to prevent both kids from shooting past him.)

#2: Current San Francisco Giant Pablo Sandoval calmly catches the ball from the center fielder and gets absolutely ROCKED and still hangs on for the out. Not too shabby but you still aren't going to win the batting title over my boy David Wright this year! (Editor’s Note: Hold me.)

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"You Will Actually Be Eating The Garbage You Produce"

06/30/09 08:29 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
I thought they already did this:

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

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Kevin's Korner: Take The Under On Comfort Wipe

06/26/09 08:18 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
"The first improvement to toilet paper as we know it since the 1880's" is the tag line for this product even though toilet paper in roll form did not become common until 1907. That is strike one and then you add in colors, softness, multiple ply paper, etc., and I am definitely taking the under on their claim.

Random thought: Hey, Major League Baseball Hall of Famers...can any of you start dying already! I realize there are plenty more celebrities than you guys but after the past few days (and last couple of MLB regular seasons), you have some catching up to do. I realize the recent rash of celebrity deaths wasn't a shock due to health issues, etc., but many of you are also old...and just keep living! So, live dangerously and go on a bende. Or be like former President Bush I and take up skydiving. Either way, it has been a good run for most of you and the SLPL needs your help in making the first HOF death pool payout in 2009.

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Kevin's Korner: Stay Classy, Phillies Phans

06/20/09 09:00 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
As many of you know, I have posted links in the past stating my dislike for Philadelphia Phillies' fans ... and the Phillie Phanatic (get a haircut!). Well, here is another recent beauty from Citizens Bank Park. The action starts at the 33 second mark and if you look closely, there is not a Toronto Blue Jays fan in sight. You stay classy Philly fans!

Editor’s Note: Kevin, the link you sent didn’t work. Was this the video you were looking for? (There’s a payoff close to the :33 mark, and the payoff is less than classy, but the Blue Jays reference doesn’t make sense. If this isn’t the right one, resend the link, okay?)

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Gymnast Put To Sleep After Breaking Leg

06/17/09 07:26 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Another line crossed ... as only The Onion can cross it:

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Fantasy Monkey Rodeo, Part 2

06/16/09 07:42 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Uh oh. The following was recently discovered on Commissioner Rube Furrow’s Flip Mino video camera:

Start studying your monkey rodeo statistics now, folks ... I believe the rumors that Rube is scrapping the SLPL next season in favor of starting a Monkey Fantasy Rodeo league may just be true.

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Dwight Never Stood A Chance

06/15/09 07:09 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
In His press conference from a few years back, Mr. Deity foreshadows why Dwight Howard should have just kept his yapper shut:

You see, He simply loves watching Kobe play. Dwight never stood a chance.

And people, floss regularly, willya?!

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That's One Way To Flip The Bird

06/14/09 11:27 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Our boi-E, Kevin Klinkhamer, forwarded this link for me to use. He said something about me being able to come up with something witty to introduce it, what with me being a long-suffering Cleveland Indians fan. But the depression I feel about my Tribe this season prevents me from generating anything approximating witty when it comes to the Indians. So, you enjoy the video while I try to avoid thinking of all the times I myself have flipped the bird while watching the Indians this year.

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Put That In Your Pipe

06/13/09 07:07 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Rep. Steve Buyer has been talking to a certain league official recently, as is evidenced by this clip (tip of the ballcap to Sue Klinkhamer):

In Other News...
League stats and standing, along with this blog, won’t be updated until later Sunday.

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Kevin's Korner: Exercise Ball Video of the Month

06/11/09 08:38 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
Here is a video of a guy who has way too much time on his hands in the gym. However, it is very impressive what he does. And contrary to what you might think, it is just a coincidence I stumbled upon this video as Pedregoso and I aren't going to start an Exercise Ball Video of the Month link.

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BabySafe Ball

06/08/09 08:06 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Some lines should never be crossed, but this is cringingly-funny enough to make an exception. Do not watch this if you want to feel good about yourself as a human being for the rest of the day:

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Ready To Go

06/07/09 06:55 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
This link comes from Hahnyacher owner Vince Livernois, who advises: “Get beyond the over-producing, crappy producing and watch this guy!” (This 16-year-old phenom is also featured in this week’s Sports Illustrated.)

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Kevin's Korner: Mets Season Like Slow-Mo Urine Balloon

06/05/09 07:55 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
As a die-hard Mets fan, this is how I felt last night after hearing the news Jose Reyes had partially torn his hamstring ... except, instead of plain old water, the balloon would be filled with his replacement Alex Cora's urine.

However, I am hanging in there in SLPL so I still have a reason to watch baseball this season.

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Top Ten Baseball Meltdowns

06/04/09 08:39 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
These are impressive:

After seeing this, I think all the owners of SLPL teams can be happy that the SLPL bans video cameras at all our ballparks.

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Speaking Of Bad Videos...

05/31/09 09:11 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
A literal translation of the video “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” just ‘cuz:

It almost makes me nostalgic for the days when MTV actually played music videos. But maybe they were all this bad ... I dunno ... my nostalgia might be clouding my memory ... look, the fog machine’s on! ... maybe that’s clouding my memory.

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Stink On A Bad Dance Video

05/30/09 08:32 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
This thing’s been all over the Internwebs like stink on a bad dance video, so we decided to throw it on our site, too:

For the record, the Santa Lechuga Power League does not in any way condone fey on-field dancing, despite the author’s propensity to shake his tail feathers after every Monos win.

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El Maestro Buffoono

05/26/09 08:50 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
We noted earlier that SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow (Joe Livernois) was going to conduct the Monterey Bay Symphony at their annual Memorial Day Concert. Here’s Furrow in all his glory:

For the first time since the inception of the league, Rube Furrow has done the league proud. Congrats, Maestro! You earned that baton.

Updated: From Rube himself: “Here's a better version...be sure to credit Peri Basseri and BigTime Video Services...” Indeed, the picture is better, but beware that the audio is a little hanky.

And here’s a fun photo, courtesy of Russ Cain, from the event:

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Rube's Overtures to Disaster

05/22/09 08:31 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow (Joe Livernois) is slated to conduct the Monterey Bay Symphony during the annual Memorial Day Concert this coming Monday. No, this is not a joke. Check out how this little bit of madness came to happen by clicking here.

Us here in the Midwest can’t wait to see the video. And, Jay, I’ll give $100 to your favorite charity if you finish your set by pulling out a banjo and plucking a few strings a la Bugs.

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Kevin's Korner: Harry Caray Spends Angel Bucks In Heaven

05/21/09 08:03 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
At last, your first baseball link of the year from me. Well, it is half-baseball and half-comedy. Either way, it doesn't get much better than Will Ferrell doing his classic Harry Caray impersonation.
I wonder if SLPL accepts Angel Bucks as currency towards league fees?

Note to SNL fact checkers: You misspelled Harry Caray's name at the beginning.

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I Always Had My Suspicions...

05/18/09 09:01 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Courtesy of The Onion...

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"There's Nothing Wrong With Me. I'm Just Smart."

05/13/09 09:17 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
“I would have just tossed you in the gutter to end your agony.”

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Kevin's Korner: Mascot-On-Mascot Crimes

05/11/09 07:37 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer
(Author’s Note: I will eventually post an actual baseball link since that is what SLPL is all about. Until then, comedy is comedy and the funniest video/story is going to win out until I find myself in a Pedregoso "I Got Nothin’" slump.)

Based on the way Bango the Buck reacts to being hit where the sun don't shine in the following video, I have to think mascots wear cups. I love the way he stays in Full Mascot Mode and seems to be overjoyed that he helped the ball go through the rim by enthusiastically pointing at Rufus (the Charlotte Bobcats mascot) after the shot. However, comedy gold strikes at the :20 second mark when he falls through the rim ... I still don't know how he managed to fit through it.

Seeing him roll off the court and hobble away should make you laugh even harder knowing the guy in the costume tore his ACL.

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Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video

05/02/09 08:08 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
Cleveland! The producer explains: “The Cleveland Tourism Board gave me 14 million dollars about 8 months ago to make a promotional video to bring people to Cleveland. As usual, I waited till the last minute and I ended up having to shoot and edit it in about an hour yesterday afternoon. I probably should have invested more time.” (Song lyrics NSFW.)

It didn’t go over as well as he’d hoped: “So The Cleveland Board of Tourism was not happy with the first video that I turned in. In fact, they said that upon viewing it, three of the board members moved away. They insisted that I turn in a proper Cleveland tourism video, otherwise they will pursue litigation.” Thus, this:

I’m wondering if they’ll give him a third crack at it. BTW, don’t you half expect Schneider from “One Day At A Time” so show up somewhere in these?

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Kevin's Korner: Cincinnati's Masked Super Hero

04/30/09 08:52 AM

By Kevin Klinkhamer

I would assume they have to carry "all the legal weapons" with the Cincinnati Bengals roaming the streets. Can you imagine what Tank Johnson would do to The Shadow Hare if he confronted him? I will say the guy in the lime green pants does scare the hell out of me. The homeless guy at the 2:08 mark is classic! When did we start dressing up for Easter anyway...did I miss a meeting?

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Can You Endure 20,000 Spoonfuls Of Terror?

04/25/09 08:47 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
This movie trailer for The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon was taken down from websites of every civilized “free” country on the planet a few weeks ago, but I was able to unearth it on what appears to be a Russian website. Go figure. But also go watch. (Be sure to watch if full-screen.)

BTW, it’s definitely NSFW (not safe for work) and definitely PG-13 (not safe for kids’ eyes or ears). Having said that, it’s a classic. In fact, after I watched it the first time I immediately watched it again. And again. And again. (And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.And again.And again.And again.And again.And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.)

I think you’ll agree that it is, perhaps, the most relentless murder in the history of cinema. Perhaps.

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Know How To Be A Fan

04/16/09 08:35 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
The dude’s old enough to know better.

No excuses.

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Too Much Time On Our Hands?!

04/13/09 07:39 AM

By Pedregoso Rios
You’ve no doubt heard by now that a crazed lady in Berlin jumped into the enclosed polar bear habitat at a German zoo. You’ve probably even seen the video. But you probably haven’t seen the most excellent video re-mix:

And people say *we* have too much time on our hands.

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Santa Lechuga Power League '09

The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the World (Because We Said It Is!)

Suzie Formally Crowned SLPL Regular Season Champ

Happy Halloween!

You Just Hope It Lets Up

My Season

Best. Call. Of. The. Year.

Soccer Bull

Maybe You Should Get A Dog

Consolation

Kevin's Korner: Did You Say Hoe?

Prince Bowls 'Em Over

Worthy

Some Of The Stupidest Things..., Part 3

Rube's Favorite Monkeys: Alcoholic Vervet Monkeys

Some Of The Stupidest Things..., Take 2

Kevin's Korner: Real Man Of Genius

Some Of The Stupidest Things...

Friendly Confines, My A**!

Beatrix Kiddo Would Be Proud

The Filly Feud!

Lego Arcade

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters!

Mark Buehrle's Top 10 on Letterman

Kevin's Korner: This Is What A Marsupial/Stroke Would Do

Kevin's Korner: Future Darwin Award-Winner On Two Wheels

Open A Banana Like A Monkey

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

A Galaxie 500 Tradition

Kevin's Korner: That's One Way To Kick Off The July 4th Weekend

Kevin's Corner: Catcher, Meet Runner. Runner, Meet Catcher.

"You Will Actually Be Eating The Garbage You Produce"

Kevin's Korner: Take The Under On Comfort Wipe

Kevin's Korner: Stay Classy, Phillies Phans

Gymnast Put To Sleep After Breaking Leg

Fantasy Monkey Rodeo, Part 2

Dwight Never Stood A Chance

That's One Way To Flip The Bird

Put That In Your Pipe

Kevin's Korner: Exercise Ball Video of the Month

BabySafe Ball

Ready To Go

Kevin's Korner: Mets Season Like Slow-Mo Urine Balloon

Top Ten Baseball Meltdowns

Speaking Of Bad Videos...

Stink On A Bad Dance Video

El Maestro Buffoono

Rube's Overtures to Disaster

Kevin's Korner: Harry Caray Spends Angel Bucks In Heaven

I Always Had My Suspicions...

"There's Nothing Wrong With Me. I'm Just Smart."

Kevin's Korner: Mascot-On-Mascot Crimes

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video

Kevin's Korner: Cincinnati's Masked Super Hero

Can You Endure 20,000 Spoonfuls Of Terror?

Know How To Be A Fan

Too Much Time On *Our* Hands?!

Too Much Time On Our Hands?!