By Pedregoso Rios
On last night’s action, Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle, owner of Who’s On First?, extended her lead by four points over David “Eddie” Edison, owner of Cameltowing Inc. So, with five days left in the Regular Season, Suzie’s lead over Eddie is 31 points.

Now is as good a time as any to present the following visual metaphor for the season. (If you’re prone to seasickness, don’t stare at this for too long.) As you gaze at the following, ponder the fact that Suzie’s teams in the past have been perpetual league chum whose players were chosen on some cockamamie themes. And she began with a theme this year, too! Yeah, okay, choosing a team filled with nothing but first basemen has a better chance of succeeding than choosing, say, a team of players whose names sound like they might be from Luxembourg, but still! This season, Suzie’s Theme Team has kicked butt the entire year and may very well win the Regular Season championship. Trippy, eh?

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By Pedregoso Rios
Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle’s Who’s On First? added ten points to her lead over David “Eddie” Edison’s Cameltowing Inc. with yesterday’s action. Meanwhile, there are rumblings that Commissioner Rube Furrow has ended his months-long sabbatical (see also: bender) and may soon address league owners about this phenomenal season. It will be Rube’s third address to owners this season but his first since learning that Suzie really does lead the league and really has been a contender the whole season. In a bout of delusional paranoia, Furrow apparently thought this website and the season’s worth of standings had been an elaborate joke perpetrated on him as some sort of revenge for banning tequila popper sales after the eighth inning before the season began. (What he doesn’t know is that our revenge will be much more subtle and way more painful.) So, look for Rube to wipe the egg from his face in a league announcement coming soon.

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By Pedregoso Rios
And now Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle’s Who’s On First? has overtaken David “Eddie” Edison’s Cameltowing Inc., officially ending Eddie’s one-consecutive-day hold on the top spot. So this is how it’s going to be until the end of the season. I see. It’s going to be a dog fight. It’s going to be a battle of the heavyweights. It’s going to be a horse race. Grab your kids and get some popcorn, Marge. Tighten your seat belts. It’s going to be fun!

(And we haven’t even mentioned the fact that Dan Klinkhamer’s Tacky Cardias are sitting just 42 points out of first place with five players on his roster that Suzie doesn’t have. How nutty does this get if Dan starts passing teams up?)

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By Pedregoso Rios
With just one week of the Regular Season left, David “Eddie” Edison’s Cameltowing Inc. has finally overtaken Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle’s Who’s On First? in the Overall Standings, officially ending Suzie’s 107-consecutive-day hold on the top spot. Oh my. What a season!

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By Pedregoso Rios
League veteran Steve McNelley, owner of Guzzlyn Suds, has been pretty quiet this year. What, with preparing for a newborn and working for the Blackhawks, he’s barely had enough time to sleep, much less ponder how he’s doing in the Santa Lechuga Power League. But on September 23, Steve saw himself in second place in the Guzz-Nats Division, just tens of points from overtaking Jeren “Skeeter” Livernois’ Keep On Shockin’. That’s when the league’s front offices received this e-mail: “Guzzlyn Suds would like to trade Josh Hamilton of Texas for Derrick Lee of Chicago Cubs.” Later in the day, at a press conference, Steve announced: “I’m trying to make a run at my division…without spending too much to maybe win.” Suds fans were excited, happy to see their owner take a more active role in the fate of the team. Two days later, though, disaster struck, prompting Steve to write: “I don’t touch my lineup all season…keeping my costs down, and make one move only to find out he spazzed out when he got slapped by a man named Angel. The Suds are packing up our equipment, heading home, and hoping for the best. Good thing hockey season is underway.”

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By Pedregoso Rios
Gonna run a little behind on posting the standings and updating the blog tomorrow. Find other ways to amuse yourself in the meantime.

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By Pedregoso Rios
When we were young and stupid, we used to do this at the bullring in Mexicali. Except instead of a soccer ball we used to kick empty beer cans. And we used to get gored. A lot.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Speaking of animals...

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By Pedregoso Rios
It's about cute animals, perhaps, but this dude hates 'em. And don't go thinking this is SFW ... this is definitely NSFW.

You can help your delicate sensibilities and turn the frick away.
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By Pedregoso Rios
Seven points separate league leader Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle, owner of Who’s On First?, and David “Eddie” Edison, owner of Cameltowing Inc., in the Overall Standings. I’m not saying. I’m just saying.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Two weeks to go in what has been an awesome SLPL season with a great website, and dude is trying to ruin everything.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Tip off the ballcap to blog-follower Missy for providing this link. She notes that it's one of those nice baseball "aw" stories ... and she's not wrong. Awwwwww!

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By Pedregoso Rios
Excess Sebum: Where (some of) The Onion's rejected headlines go to die.

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By Pedregoso Rios
The Bobblehead-of-Lettuce is doing a two-fer today, bobblin' for Sue Klinkhamer, owner of A Team to be Named Later... and the Natsox, and bobblin for Kevin Klinkhamer, owner of Dongwhipped, both of whom are celebrating birthdays today.

Susie's been having a rough season. She jumped in to the year by securing two teams, but neither team gained much traction. A Team... is sitting in 31st place today while her Natsox are in 45th. Having said that, Susie's passion for the league seems indefatigable (see also "This league sucks!&rdquo and her love of baseball is contagious (see also "As long as the Mets are contending."). We hope her bad breaks this season don't take the bloom off her roses of passion and love for the league. Happy Birthday, Susie!!! The Bobblehead-of-Lettuce bobbles for you:

Kevin, meanwhile, has been having a rollercoaster year. He's in 22nd overall and 3rd in the Chowder-Suck Division, but for a while it looked like he would really compete in both. After making what appeared to be sweet trades to pick up Dye, Morneau, Bruce, and Ibanez, it turned out that it was his decision to drop Fielder in April that has really hurt the 'whipped. Kevin's a gamer, though, so we're pretty certain he'll be game next year. Happy Birthday, Kevin!!! The Bobblehead-of-Lettuce bobbles for you:

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By Pedregoso Rios
Courtesy of Sue Klinkhamer, owner of A Team to be Named Later... and the Natsox, here's something Chicago Bears fans are passing around in an effort to try to console each other after last Sunday's devastating loss the Green Bear Packers:

Of course, I'm not sure how rerminding people that all their glories are in the past provides any real consolation, but maybe that's just me.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Yesterday we speculated as to whether or not an actuary freind of ours who regularly participates in fantasy sports actually knew anything about fantasy sports insurance. We directed him to our blog entry and he offered this bit of wisdom: "Actually this actuary knows all about fantasy league insurances. My best advice is to give it a pass -- if you can't afford to lose all of what you are putting up then find a cheaper league." Since he's from Canada, we decided not to ask him about the public option.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Tip of the ballcap to Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer for turning us on to this bit of interestingness. What's particularly interesting for some of us is that some of us, in another life, work with actuaries. In fact, some of us, in another life, work with at least one actuary who participates regularly in fantasy sports. And it ocurrs to us that this actuary may not even be aware that there is such a thing as fantasy sports insurance.

Kevin said he punched in all the details to see what it would cost him to get the insurance and it came out to about $14, which is about 14 percent of his ownership fees. Man, if this gets any more out of hand he's going to have to demand a public option.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Eight current and past owners are dividing duties this season by participating in a fantasy football league, the Fox Valley Fantasy Football League (FVFFL), which is being run by Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer. The FVFFL starts in ernest today.

The FVFFL is the antithesis of everything the Santa Lechuga Power League stands for. Where the SLPL wants to "focus on the 'power' and call it a 'power league,'" an owner in FVFFL has to worry whether the kicker's spikes are an ounce too heavy so he doesn't fluff one to the right.

Where the SLPL likes to keep "rosters simple by allowing team owners to share players," the FVFFL had an actual draft so that, you know, the same team wouldn't end up with the same player. (See draft board below.) There's even some nonsense talk about a "supplemental draft," whatever that hell that is.

While the SLPL likes for owners to be able to "choose their teams at the beginning of the year, sit back, and watch to see how they did," FVFFL owners have to set their rosters at least once a week, figure out who to play, who to bench, track injury reports daily, and read up to 11 local sports pages to see what's being said by the reporters closest to the players. I mean, hell, it's like I'm an actual NFL head coach ... except I had to pay to get into the league instead of making millions a year to decide whether or not Santonio Holmes is matched up well against Tennesee's secondary. (He was. He snagged me 17.5 points Thursday night.)

The SLPL likes to recruit new owners every season with the phrase: "No tedious stats tracking. No negotiating with fellow owners to try to swap shortstops. No geeking out. Come join our league." The FVFFL, on the other hand, recruits its owners with the phrase: "Tedious stats tracking! Negotiation with fellow owners to try to swap tight ends! Geeking out! Come join our league."

I know I sound like I'm bitching, but I'm not at all. I was in a similar league for a few years with a couple of my fellow SLPL Boyz/Girl, but the balance of the owners were lawyers. At the core was a good league populated by humorless, witless sharks. So, Kevin dumped the dead weight and got the band back together, this time with cool owners. I'm totally game for a well-run league populated by cool SLPL-worthy owners, especially when I think I have a good chance of kicking their asses. (BTW, David Edison, get ready for a stomping today. You may be all cool and in second place in SLPL, but you're going to be oh-and-one in the FVFFL by the time Monday Night Football signs off tomorrow night.)

SLPL owners are welcome to keep track of the FVFFL by signing on as a guest here.

Here's to Week 1! Go Bad-Touch Football!

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By Pedregoso Rios

Wait! I almost forgot! Today, the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce is bobblin' for league leader Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle, owner of Who’s On First?, who's celebrating a birthday today! If you don't know her story by now, it's worth a recap: Perennial SLPL league doormat selects awesome roster, competes well early, takes the lead about two months in, gains a big lead, maintains the big lead for a few months, nearly loses the lead with just over a month of the season left, and now is fighting to sustain her lead and scrape some serious coin off the table. So, on this day, while she continues fighting to win the big money, the league gives a big shout out to Suzie and wishes her the best of birthdays.

Happy Birthday, Suzie!!!

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By Pedregoso Rios
The blog was dark yesterday in rememberance of 911. Today, I just don't feel like doing the funny.

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By Rube Furrow
Don't get me wrong: I've always admired J.T. Snow as a Giant and a person. But he is quickly proving to be the Yogi Berra of his era. (Berra era?)

From Monday's Giants' radio broadcast: "Most all major league batters aren't looking for a first-pitch curveball, and if they do they're in the minority."

Editor's Note: Rube's recent comments in response to our blog entry about Prince Fielder's home run celebration were totally worthy. In case you didn't see 'em, here they are:

"Yeah. The entire Giants Nation seems obsessed about the celebration on Monday. I wish they'd be obsessed instead about their collective failure to move runners, to drive in runs, or to allow Rowand to swing the bat in a tie game in the 6th inning with runners on first and third and no outs. History has proven that Rowand, when the going gets tough, is only capable of grounding out meekly. But instead of sending him out to bunt the two runners over, they allow him to ground into the most predictable triple play I've ever witnessed. But the Giants are obsessed with Fielder's home run celebration. Idiots!

"Oh, and I thought the celebration was great.

"I'm not finished yet!

"What I'd LOVE to see from the Giants is their own amazingly choreographed demonstration after a Giant manages to successfully move a runner from first to second. Or maybe at the conclusion of a successful 'Giant Rally,' which in their case is comprised of a run-scoring double play."

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By Kevin Klinkhamer
So Rosemary Lumpkin called the police because her underage 15-year-old daughter has been stripping at Playmates in Cocoa, Florida. Naturally the media gets a hold of the story and decides to visit the house for an interview when the cameraman is attacked by the girl's grandma ... with a hoe! Oh, sweet irony!

Editor's Note: We've since uncovered this second report, which shows an alternate camera angle of the incident. If I'm that cameraman, it's at the 0:14 mark that I'm thrilled that the camera was there to protect my melon.

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By Pedregoso Rios
San Francisco Giants fans won't like this, but this is my favorite home run celebration in quite some time. It took the entire team to make it work.

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By Pedregoso Rios

The title says it all.

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By Pedregoso Rios

There are mere hours left to make a $15 trade -- $20 trades begin with the first pitch of today's games -- so getchyer final $15 trades to us before then. To recap:

• Owners can make $15 trades until the first pitch of the first game played today; after that, all trades through the end of the Regular Season will be $20. When the Regular Season ends, trading ends for the season.
• Trades made yesterday will be in effect as of today.
• Trades made today, as always, will be in effect tomorrow.
• We will not show on the website any trades made yesterday until the trade deadline has passed today.
• We will not show on the website any trades made today until tomorrow.

Good luck! And Happy Labor Day!

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By Pedregoso Rios

We foreshadowed the death of the $15 trade earlier, but here’s how the deadline will work:

• Owners can make $15 trades until the first pitch of the first game played on Monday; after that, all trades through the end of the Regular Season will be $20. After that, no more trades.
• If you make a $15 trade on Sunday night, before midnight Eastern Standard Time, your trade will in effect for Monday’s games.
• If you make a trade anytime Monday -- be it a $15 trade or $20 trade -- your trade won’t be in effect until Tuesday.
• This here website will not show any trades made on Sunday until the trade deadline has passed on Monday.
• This here website will not show any trades made on Monday until Tuesday.

Good luck!

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By Pedregoso Rios
Six points separate league leader Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle, owner of Who’s On First, and David “Eddie” Edison, owner of Cameltowing Inc., in the Overall Standings. I’m not saying. I’m just saying.

You know what? I am saying. Here are the stats for the two teams over the past four weeks:

Stats for Who’s On First, Past 28 Days


Stats for Cameltowing, Inc., Past 28 Days
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By Pedregoso Rios
This is long but fascinating and worthy.

Derren Brown Trick or Treat Season 2 Episode 6 from Wouterk on Vimeo.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Nineteen points separate Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle, owner of Who’s On First, and David “Eddie” Edison, owner of Cameltowing Inc., in the Overall Standings. I’m not saying. I’m just saying.

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By Pedregoso Rios
The end of the Regular Season is just around the corner, which means the era of the $15 trade is almost over. Trades will go up to $20 with the first pitch of the first game next Monday, September 6.

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