By Pedregoso Rios
A literal translation of the video “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” just ‘cuz:

It almost makes me nostalgic for the days when MTV actually played music videos. But maybe they were all this bad ... I dunno ... my nostalgia might be clouding my memory ... look, the fog machine’s on! ... maybe that’s clouding my memory.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
This thing’s been all over the Internwebs like stink on a bad dance video, so we decided to throw it on our site, too:

For the record, the Santa Lechuga Power League does not in any way condone fey on-field dancing, despite the author’s propensity to shake his tail feathers after every Monos win.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
League officials knew early in the season that this would be a good year, but they’re still taken aback at how serious this ownership group is. Last year on this date, owners had generated a total of $480 in trade fees; this year, owners have already generated $865. Last year, the total pot at the end of the season was $2,265; this year, with the All-Star break more than a month away, the pot already sits at $2,025. Of our 48 teams, all but 13 have made at least one trade. League bigwigs are very happy with this ownership group since, as our mantra says, more trades means more money for our eventual winners.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
The Bobblehead-of-Lettuce is bobblin’ for Full Circuits owner Bill Cunning, who’s celebrating a birthday today...

Happy Birthday, Bill!

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
These are crazy days. Suzie Fricken Rochellle’s Who’s On First? is now in 2nd place in the Overall standings. The woman who one season chose a roster made up exclusively of Asian (or Asian-sounding) players is in 2nd place. Her. The woman who this season chose nothing but first basemen for hitters ... and still hasn’t made a trade. That lady. She’s in 2nd place. Crazy, I tell you. It makes the rest of us owners want to blow our top.

Suzie Fricken Rochellle
Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
We noted earlier that SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow (Joe Livernois) was going to conduct the Monterey Bay Symphony at their annual Memorial Day Concert. Here’s Furrow in all his glory:

For the first time since the inception of the league, Rube Furrow has done the league proud. Congrats, Maestro! You earned that baton.

Updated: From Rube himself: “Here's a better version...be sure to credit Peri Basseri and BigTime Video Services...” Indeed, the picture is better, but beware that the audio is a little hanky.

And here’s a fun photo, courtesy of Russ Cain, from the event:

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
This blog’s taking a vacation for the holiday weekend (unless something really fun hits) ... but we’ll keep the league standings and stats updated. (BTW, with inter-league play, isn’t it time for some more pitchers to hit some dongs? At this rate, we may end up having to put together an HOF-like Death Pool!)

The SLPL wishes you and yours a great Memorial Day weekend!

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow (Joe Livernois) is slated to conduct the Monterey Bay Symphony during the annual Memorial Day Concert this coming Monday. No, this is not a joke. Check out how this little bit of madness came to happen by clicking here.

Us here in the Midwest can’t wait to see the video. And, Jay, I’ll give $100 to your favorite charity if you finish your set by pulling out a banjo and plucking a few strings a la Bugs.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Kevin Klinkhamer
At last, your first baseball link of the year from me. Well, it is half-baseball and half-comedy. Either way, it doesn't get much better than Will Ferrell doing his classic Harry Caray impersonation.
I wonder if SLPL accepts Angel Bucks as currency towards league fees?

Note to SNL fact checkers: You misspelled Harry Caray's name at the beginning.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
...you like this team’s name as much as I do. (Tip of the ball cap to A Team To Be Named Later/Natsox owner Sue Klinkhamer for the link to the story.)

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
This here blog is sitting on some good submissions from a couple Klinkhamers, but we gotta get this out of the way while it’s still breaking news...

While Nate Meyer’s Apocalypse Dudes are sitting in 1st place, the real sign of the apocalypse may very well be the fact that Suzie Rochellle -- yes, Suzie Fricken Rochellle! -- and her Who’s On First are in 3rd place in the Overall standings. With a quarter of the season done, 3rd place. Suzie Fricken Rochellle! I mean, her teams have sucked so much in the past that she considered changing her name to Oreck. And there she is today, in 3rd place.

Awesome. Go, Suzie, go!

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
Courtesy of The Onion...

Disney Lab Unveils Its Latest Line Of Genetically Engineered Child Stars
Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
...since it’s fun at the expense of a cat, you want to try this, too:

It just takes a pet door, a cat that’s used to jumping through that pet door, and some Saran Wrap. Snap to it.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
...even though it’s cruel, you want to try this, too:

It just takes a friend’s flip-flops and some superglue. Hop to it, already.

BTW, tomorrow (Sunday) I won’t be able to update the standings, stats or this blog until later in the day. It turns out that I won’t be near an Internet connection until early afternoon at the soonest. Sorry, boys and girls.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
Cameltowing, Inc., owner David Edison--who’s in the midst of enjoying a recent and sudden rise from mid-pack to 2nd place overall--points out that his whole durn division is doing pretty durn well. “Hey,” Eddie asked, “how about a mention for the Bleed-T-Birds Division, the division with four teams in the top seven of the Overall Standings?” Consider it mentioned!

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
Thanks to A Team To Be Named Later/Natsox owner Sue Klinkhamer for giving us the heads-up on this...

From HOTLINE (which is apparently some D.C.-based newswire for congressional types):

“The MN Independence Party announced today that ex-Sen. Dean Barkley (IP) ‘will throw out the first pitch at the St. Paul Saints game’ 5/23 in what the Saints are calling ‘Re’Count Night in ‘honor’ of the '08 SEN recount. The first 2.5K fans through the gate will receive a Count Von ‘Re’Count doll featuring ‘the likeness of (Norm) Coleman on one side and (Al) Franken on the other’ whose ‘bobble head spins over a body dressed like’ Sesame Street's Count von Count. The Independence Party is selling $25 packages that will get fans ‘a ticket to the game’ and ‘tailgate party’ as well as a chance to ‘discuss’ their ‘recount frustrations with Dean’ (release, 5/12).”

More about the Count von ‘Re’Count doll here from CNN.

Update: Lookie at what I just stumbled on! Nice Tom Seaver reference, Sue!

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
“I would have just tossed you in the gutter to end your agony.”

Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee
Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
...you want to try it:

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Kevin Klinkhamer
(Author’s Note: I will eventually post an actual baseball link since that is what SLPL is all about. Until then, comedy is comedy and the funniest video/story is going to win out until I find myself in a Pedregoso "I Got Nothin’" slump.)

Based on the way Bango the Buck reacts to being hit where the sun don't shine in the following video, I have to think mascots wear cups. I love the way he stays in Full Mascot Mode and seems to be overjoyed that he helped the ball go through the rim by enthusiastically pointing at Rufus (the Charlotte Bobcats mascot) after the shot. However, comedy gold strikes at the :20 second mark when he falls through the rim ... I still don't know how he managed to fit through it.

Seeing him roll off the court and hobble away should make you laugh even harder knowing the guy in the costume tore his ACL.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
...the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce is bobblin’ for all of you.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
First, Man-Ram. Now A-Ram. What is it with all these Ramirezes?

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
...is a dope.

Update I: Yeah, Manny’s still a dope. Fertility drug? Really?

Update II: We love our new owners’ enthusiasms for the league. This from Apocalypse Dudes owner Nate Meyers: “With Manny Ramirez violating the league’s substance abuse policy and receiving a 50-game suspension, I couldn’t help but think of how it affected the SLPL. For example, there are by my quick count about 23 teams with Ramirez in their line-ups. I would assume they would all make a roster move, which means $230 to the pot and possibly more when he comes back. Which is very exciting because who doesn’t love more money? I also thought of an idea due to this 50-game steroid suspension. There may a way to use it in the league. I would liken the odds of a superstar caliber player being suspended 50 games to the chances of a hall-of-famer dying. Maybe the suspended player cannot be removed from the roster (however, the can of worms there is what happens when a player gets a two game suspension for bumping into an ump)? Perhaps there is a negative point bonus or something to that effect? Or finally, maybe there is pick five performance enhancers pool?” We’re going to have to put these ideas in the hopper for the ’10 season. Thanks, Nate.

Update III: Ten of the 23 owners with Manny on their rosters wasted no time dumping him, adding $100 to The Pot and eventual champs’ payouts.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Rube Furrow
It should be noted that the top three spots in the SLPL standings are now held by proud representatives of The Santa Lechuga Hurled. Scott Forstner, owner of the league-leading Forty Ounce Guzzlers, is The Hurled's esteemed sports editor. Peggy Bocox, owner of the second place Athletic Supporters, is the newspaper's assistant city editor. And Vern Fisher, owner of the third-place Cantrell's House, is The Hurled's chief photographer. SLPL Commissioner Rube Furlough has launched an investigation to determine if someone has slipped benzedrine into The Hurled's bottled water supply.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
SLPL officials are said to be thrilled with the trade activity so far in the season. Compared to only 52 trades at the same time last season, this year’s owners have made a total of 82 trades through the first month of the season, making these guys the most enthused and active group of owners in a long time. Thirty teams have made at least one trade already. One team has even made six trades. Best of all, The Pot, which is shared by league champs at the end of the season, has already swelled to $1,570.

Incidentally, as of today trades are now $10/per and will be that price until the end of the All-Star Break, when trade fees go up to $15.

One last thing: Pedregoso won’t be able to update team rosters until later tomorrow morning. While transactions can be seen here, actual rosters won’t be updated until later. Don’t fret, though ... stats earned today by your new players will be reflected in tomorrow’s standings.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios

Getchyer $5 trades in before midnight tonight (Eastern time) ‘cause they’re going up to $10 after that. (If you’re wondering who to drop, consider Brandon Webb, Carlos Zambrano or Daisuke Matsuzaka, who are all on the 15-Day DL.) And while you’re at it, why not check out how much you owe and pay your fees?

Good luck!

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
Today. Tomorrow. After that, trading in this league goes up from $5 to $10. So, getchyer trades in before midnight tomorrow night.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
Here’s the swine flu checklist of symptoms:

__ Fever
__ Cough
__ Sore throat
__ Body aches
__ Headache
__ Chills
__ Fatigue
__ General discomfort

If I have everything on this list except for the cough and sore throat, I don’t have swine flu, right?

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
Cleveland! The producer explains: “The Cleveland Tourism Board gave me 14 million dollars about 8 months ago to make a promotional video to bring people to Cleveland. As usual, I waited till the last minute and I ended up having to shoot and edit it in about an hour yesterday afternoon. I probably should have invested more time.” (Song lyrics NSFW.)

It didn’t go over as well as he’d hoped: “So The Cleveland Board of Tourism was not happy with the first video that I turned in. In fact, they said that upon viewing it, three of the board members moved away. They insisted that I turn in a proper Cleveland tourism video, otherwise they will pursue litigation.” Thus, this:

I’m wondering if they’ll give him a third crack at it. BTW, don’t you half expect Schneider from “One Day At A Time” so show up somewhere in these?

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
Joe Livernois, owner of the Willie Bobs, has changed the name of his team several times over the years. One season it was The Sunni Triangles. Another it was the Wretched Media Weasels. He’s also gone with Bonobo Love. There was that season as Pedregoso’s Rectum. And he’s been the Bobs of Bereavement.

What some may not remember is that Joe’s team spent two seasons known as the Santa Lechuga Bus Wrecks. Creepy, that. (Creepier still, Soledad is just 3.5 miles down Mal Accidente Road from Santa Lechuga.)

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal