Rube Reports
Rube's Towards-the-End-of-the-Season Report
10/02/09 08:22 AM
By Rube
Furrow, SLPL Commissioner
The brain trust at the Santa Lechuga Power League headquarters (located on beautiful Accidente Mal Road) has completed its exhaustive investigation into alleged allegations that have arisen during the alleged surge of Suzie Rochellle's alleged team, Who's On First?, which has led to a lot of allegers in the rest of the league alleging all sorts of scandalous allegations. Who can blame anyone? Until this season, Ms. Rochellle's performance with SLPL has been nothing short of contemptible. She had been an embarrassment to the league and to everyone who had been affiliated with her. People who once claimed to know Suzie Rochellle wore shopping bags over their heads. But now, out of the blue, she is on the threshold to destiny. She is about to claim the 2009 Santa Lechuga Power League Regular Season title.
As a result, charges of corruption and juicing have rocked SLPL headquarters. A scandal of this proportion had not arisen since proven brain-dead loser Sam Livernois somehow emerged from the ooze to win the title in 2002. This thing is more suspicious than Brady Anderson hitting 50 HRs in 1996 -- or Rich Aurelia hitting 37 home runs in 2001.
As a result of this latest scandal, Commissioner Rube Furrow finally got off his duff several months ago to launch a full-scale investigation of the alleged misdeeds perpetrated by Ms. Rochellle. Unfortunately, the billy goats on Flaco Espindola's ranch got loose the other day and ate up the report, so Rube can only summarize the investigation's conclusion of from memory.
In a nutshell, investigators determined that, yeah, the fix was probably in somehow this season. However, Suzie Rochellle will be listed as the Regular Season champ if she manages to stave off contenders through the weekend, but an asterisk shall be affixed to her name in all future references, i.e. "Suzie Rochel*le."
Trading Report
2009 trading ends with the last pitch of the last game of the Regular Season (including any one-game playoffs to determine regular season champs). Getchyer rosters primed for a playoff run by picking up some more playoff players. Trades are currently $20/per.
Accounting Report
Rube recently checked with his auditors and accountants and was shocked to learn that this year's league participants have been derelict in their financial responsibilities. If the season ended today, Rube would be on the hook for nearly $1,500 to pay the winners. Check Who Owes What at to see how derelict you might be. Then send your check to:
Joe Livernois
459 Echo Valley Road
Salinas, CA 93907
Or, you can always pay with PayPal here.
Good luck to all our remaining contenders!
The brain trust at the Santa Lechuga Power League headquarters (located on beautiful Accidente Mal Road) has completed its exhaustive investigation into alleged allegations that have arisen during the alleged surge of Suzie Rochellle's alleged team, Who's On First?, which has led to a lot of allegers in the rest of the league alleging all sorts of scandalous allegations. Who can blame anyone? Until this season, Ms. Rochellle's performance with SLPL has been nothing short of contemptible. She had been an embarrassment to the league and to everyone who had been affiliated with her. People who once claimed to know Suzie Rochellle wore shopping bags over their heads. But now, out of the blue, she is on the threshold to destiny. She is about to claim the 2009 Santa Lechuga Power League Regular Season title.
As a result, charges of corruption and juicing have rocked SLPL headquarters. A scandal of this proportion had not arisen since proven brain-dead loser Sam Livernois somehow emerged from the ooze to win the title in 2002. This thing is more suspicious than Brady Anderson hitting 50 HRs in 1996 -- or Rich Aurelia hitting 37 home runs in 2001.
As a result of this latest scandal, Commissioner Rube Furrow finally got off his duff several months ago to launch a full-scale investigation of the alleged misdeeds perpetrated by Ms. Rochellle. Unfortunately, the billy goats on Flaco Espindola's ranch got loose the other day and ate up the report, so Rube can only summarize the investigation's conclusion of from memory.
In a nutshell, investigators determined that, yeah, the fix was probably in somehow this season. However, Suzie Rochellle will be listed as the Regular Season champ if she manages to stave off contenders through the weekend, but an asterisk shall be affixed to her name in all future references, i.e. "Suzie Rochel*le."
Trading Report
2009 trading ends with the last pitch of the last game of the Regular Season (including any one-game playoffs to determine regular season champs). Getchyer rosters primed for a playoff run by picking up some more playoff players. Trades are currently $20/per.
Accounting Report
Rube recently checked with his auditors and accountants and was shocked to learn that this year's league participants have been derelict in their financial responsibilities. If the season ended today, Rube would be on the hook for nearly $1,500 to pay the winners. Check Who Owes What at to see how derelict you might be. Then send your check to:
Joe Livernois
459 Echo Valley Road
Salinas, CA 93907
Or, you can always pay with PayPal here.
Good luck to all our remaining contenders!
Standings:
At-A-Glance
| Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
| All-Star
Pay Already! PayPal
|
Rube Reports: J.T. Berra
09/10/09 07:42 AM
By Rube
Furrow
Don't get me wrong: I've always admired J.T. Snow as a Giant and a person. But he is quickly proving to be the Yogi Berra of his era. (Berra era?)
From Monday's Giants' radio broadcast: "Most all major league batters aren't looking for a first-pitch curveball, and if they do they're in the minority."
Editor's Note: Rube's recent comments in response to our blog entry about Prince Fielder's home run celebration were totally worthy. In case you didn't see 'em, here they are:
"Yeah. The entire Giants Nation seems obsessed about the celebration on Monday. I wish they'd be obsessed instead about their collective failure to move runners, to drive in runs, or to allow Rowand to swing the bat in a tie game in the 6th inning with runners on first and third and no outs. History has proven that Rowand, when the going gets tough, is only capable of grounding out meekly. But instead of sending him out to bunt the two runners over, they allow him to ground into the most predictable triple play I've ever witnessed. But the Giants are obsessed with Fielder's home run celebration. Idiots!
"Oh, and I thought the celebration was great.
"I'm not finished yet!
"What I'd LOVE to see from the Giants is their own amazingly choreographed demonstration after a Giant manages to successfully move a runner from first to second. Or maybe at the conclusion of a successful 'Giant Rally,' which in their case is comprised of a run-scoring double play."
Don't get me wrong: I've always admired J.T. Snow as a Giant and a person. But he is quickly proving to be the Yogi Berra of his era. (Berra era?)
From Monday's Giants' radio broadcast: "Most all major league batters aren't looking for a first-pitch curveball, and if they do they're in the minority."
Editor's Note: Rube's recent comments in response to our blog entry about Prince Fielder's home run celebration were totally worthy. In case you didn't see 'em, here they are:
"Yeah. The entire Giants Nation seems obsessed about the celebration on Monday. I wish they'd be obsessed instead about their collective failure to move runners, to drive in runs, or to allow Rowand to swing the bat in a tie game in the 6th inning with runners on first and third and no outs. History has proven that Rowand, when the going gets tough, is only capable of grounding out meekly. But instead of sending him out to bunt the two runners over, they allow him to ground into the most predictable triple play I've ever witnessed. But the Giants are obsessed with Fielder's home run celebration. Idiots!
"Oh, and I thought the celebration was great.
"I'm not finished yet!
"What I'd LOVE to see from the Giants is their own amazingly choreographed demonstration after a Giant manages to successfully move a runner from first to second. Or maybe at the conclusion of a successful 'Giant Rally,' which in their case is comprised of a run-scoring double play."
Standings:
At-A-Glance
| Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past
Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal
Rube Reports: The Oakland Tasers
08/07/09 08:29 AM
By Rube
Furrow
Belligerent pr*ck gets Tazed, then nearly gets beaned by a foul ball, all within a 30 seconds.
Belligerent pr*ck gets Tazed, then nearly gets beaned by a foul ball, all within a 30 seconds.
Standings:
At-A-Glance
| Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
| All-Star
Pay Already! PayPal
Rube Reports: The Newsroom Is Abuzz
05/07/09 08:07 AM
By Rube
Furrow
It should be noted that the top three spots in the SLPL standings are now held by proud representatives of The Santa Lechuga Hurled. Scott Forstner, owner of the league-leading Forty Ounce Guzzlers, is The Hurled's esteemed sports editor. Peggy Bocox, owner of the second place Athletic Supporters, is the newspaper's assistant city editor. And Vern Fisher, owner of the third-place Cantrell's House, is The Hurled's chief photographer. SLPL Commissioner Rube Furlough has launched an investigation to determine if someone has slipped benzedrine into The Hurled's bottled water supply.
It should be noted that the top three spots in the SLPL standings are now held by proud representatives of The Santa Lechuga Hurled. Scott Forstner, owner of the league-leading Forty Ounce Guzzlers, is The Hurled's esteemed sports editor. Peggy Bocox, owner of the second place Athletic Supporters, is the newspaper's assistant city editor. And Vern Fisher, owner of the third-place Cantrell's House, is The Hurled's chief photographer. SLPL Commissioner Rube Furlough has launched an investigation to determine if someone has slipped benzedrine into The Hurled's bottled water supply.
Standings:
At-A-Glance
| Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past
Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal
