By Pedregoso Rios

The Bobblehead-of-Lettuce is bobblin’ today for Guzzlyn Suds owner Steve McNelley and his wife Julie, who are celebrating the arrival of a seven pound, six ounce bundle of boy/joy, Colin James McNelley this weekend. Colin’s dad hasn’t been much of a force to be reckoned with this season, sitting in the middle of the pack much of the year, but hat’s forgivable considering that he’s been doing his best to put a lid on all the Chicago Blackhawks offseason madness while preparing for Colin’s arrival. We expect big things from Steve next season. And rookie Anna Pankoke, the infant owner of Santa Anna’s, has already sent Colin communique telling him that she’s hoping that he joins the league next year.

Congratulations Steve & Julie! And welcome to this big-eyed curiosity we call a planet, Colin!

Julie, Colin and Steve McNelley

By the way, yes, Julie’s hospital gown features a lettuce print.

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By Pedregoso Rios
The SLPL blog is going dark until Monday. We’ll update the standings and stats each day, but we’re even unsure of what time we’ll be able to do that. If standings and stats aren’t updated each morning, hit refresh sometime in the afternoon ... we should be able to get to ‘em by then.

Have a great weekend!

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By Pedregoso Rios
Our eyes have recently been on past champ David “Eddie” Edison, owner of Cameltowing Inc., who’s been making the move on Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle, owner of Who’s On First, for the top spot in the league. But maybe we should have been watching out for Dan Klinkhamer, owner of Tacky Cardias, who today passed Eddie, moved into second place, and is just 58 points behind Suzie. C’mon, Dan, you surprise people like that and you’ll give ‘em a heart attack.

Speaking of eyes ...

As long as we’re talking about Dan, we may as well show another picture of his most beautific granddaughter, Santa Anna’s owner Anna Pankoke. So, here goes. (Tip of the ballcap to Bauer’s Bandits owner Julie Pankoke, who forwarded these pics our way.)

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By Pedregoso Rios
We learned in our 7/26 entry that Santa Anna’s owner Anna Pankoke was crowned Cutest Damn Owner In the League. And then we saw this picture, which means we now need to find an even greater title to give her.

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By Pedregoso Rios
It’s coming down to the final month of the season and we have ourselves a race! Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle, owner of Who’s On First, has held the top spot for quite some time but is now hearing footsteps. Past champ David “Eddie” Edison, owner of Cameltowing Inc., has closed Suzie’s lead to under 50 points after being down by more than 150. And with each team carrying more difference-makers than neutralizers, Eddie may easily catch up as long as his guys keep doing what they’ve been doing the past month.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Dogwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer has become the Rube Furrow of a new fantasy football league starting this year, the Fox Valley Fantasy Football League. It’s an eight-team league that held its draft last night in Geneva, IL. Seven of the teams are owned by current SLPL owners. Kevin’s the commish.

There’s no real news here. I just mention it ‘cause I’m pleased with my draft. Oh, and because the other owners wanted me to broadcast far and wide the fact that Guzzlyn Suds owner Steve McNelley took Kurt Warner as his first pick.

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By Pedregoso Rios
There are two weeks left before the final month of the season, which means there are only two weeks before trades go from $15/per to $20/per. The final day to trade at $15 will be Sunday, September 6.

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By Pedregoso Rios
...make me giggle.

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By Pedregoso Rios

The Bobblehead-of-Lettuce is bobblin’ today for me, Pepino Monos owner and VP of Creepy Pedregoso Rios, who’s celebrating another damn birthday. I’ve been bobblin’ up and down the standings this season, as per usual, and will likely not be competitive before it’s over, but since I pretty much run this damn league with a spool of thread, tin cans, and a vervent monkey for a commissioner, the least the league can do is let the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce bobble for me and my birthday. So now I have that going for me.

Look, I’m not bitter ... I’m just tired of running this damn league with a spool of thread, tin cans, and a vervent monkey for a commissioner without ever being competitive.

Anyways, here’s what I get to see at Ravinia tonight, where a gaggle of partying co-conspirators are helping me celebrate the day:

Happy Birthday, me!

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By Pedregoso Rios
My favorite line, and the line that Commissioner Rube Furrow has apparently taken to heart, is: “After each daily raid, other human parallels soon appear. But unlike us, monkeys that are heavy drinkers make better leaders, respected by other monkeys. They seem to tolerate leaders who monkey around.”

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By Pedregoso Rios
...bring me joy.

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By Kevin Klinkhamer
So obviously you haven't heard from me in a while. Don't worry, I did not get angry and abandon the league because I just can't seem to catch up to Dodger Blue no matter what move I make. I was out of town for work and extremely busy to boot.

In honor of my extended absence due to work, I thought I would give you all a link so that you could waste some time there. Here are 40 of the Budweiser Real Men of Genius ads. I knew they made a lot of these but I had not heard half of them. Just a warning, you cannot click on just a couple as I thought would happen when I stumbled upon these ... the next thing you know it will be an hour later and you have listened to all of them. Enjoy!

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By Pedregoso Rios
...make me the happiest.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Squirrel 2, Humans 0.

Wait. I think I recognize that squirrel. I think he’s the little guy that went all ninja on the stuffed doll in our 8/9 entry!

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By Pedregoso Rios
If you’re a regular reader, you know we’re determined not to get all political on you. Sure, we were activists at one time, but following our lobbying efforts to deregulate the use of all pesticides for radicchio farming blew up on us after Commissioner Rube Furrow’s embarrassing testimony in front of the Senate Radicchio Committee, where it was discovered that he had a major stake in several major radicchio pesticide companies, we’ve gone completely apolitical.

But sometimes you just have to step up and make a statement, especially when simple but sweet satire is involved. So, the SLPL is today getting into the political mix again, just this once (unless there’s more simple but sweet satire involved), to bring you this website, Obama Is Literally Hitler. The truths uncovered at this site are amazing. The observations uncanny. The comparisons eerie. For instance, do you who else wrote a book? Hitler! Do you know who else had a dog? Hitler! Do you know who else went to Paris? Hitler!

So, because we believe it’s important to call things what we are, we encourage you to visit the website. And once you’ve had a look at some of the entries, be sure to read the entry titled “Okay, this is getting silly” and marvel at how some people can’t identify satire when it’s slapping them in the face and screaming in their ears.

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By Pedregoso Rios

The Bobblehead-of-Lettuce is bobblin’ today for Cameltowing Inc. owner David “Eddie” Edison, who’s celebrating a birthday. The past-champ is sitting fairly comfortably in 2nd place Overall and is trying to position himself for another late-season/playoff run to become the first repeat champ in the SLPL. Many have tried and failed before...will he be the first to succeed?

Happy Birthday, Eddie!

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By Pedregoso Rios
...you knew the kitten was going down.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Speaking of the Bleacher Bums, here’s video of the incident:

Remember the days when Bleacher Bums were lovable losers rather than just a**holes? Then again, if Moises Alou were in that Phillies uniform, I’d support the beer-throwing incident 100 percent.

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By Pedregoso Rios
...after seeing her rachet up the enthusiasm, you were hoping there would be a big pile of billowy pillows on the floor for her when she took the inevitable fall. ‘Cause you knew she was going to fall.

If she were a Cubs fan, maybe the bleacher bums could time her dance so that she falls out of the bleachers and on to Philadelphia outfielder Shane Victorino just as he’s catching a fly ball. Now that would be applying her skills to something useful.

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By Pedregoso Rios
...you just knew Commissioner Rube Furrow’s dog wouldn’t get the monkey.

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By Pedregoso Rios
...you just knew the kid would end up on his butt, didn’t you?

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By Pedregoso Rios
I wonder if it’s a Hanzo Hattori sword?

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By Pedregoso Rios
...you were rooting for the stuffed animal.

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By Pedregoso Rios
The following photo is cribbed from mark menjivar’s “You Are What You Eat,” which is “is a series of portraits made by examining the interiors of refrigerators in homes across the Untied States.” The following looks a lot like my refrigerator, though I have devoted far more real estate to beer. And I have fewer onions.

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By Rube Furrow
Belligerent pr*ck gets Tazed, then nearly gets beaned by a foul ball, all within a 30 seconds.

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By Pedregoso Rios
The league just approved a bump in payouts to Division Champs, meaning that the least amount of coin a team will scrape off the table at the end of the season will be $125. (In the event of a tie in a payout, the least amount the co-champs will split will be $125.)

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By Pedregoso Rios
Suzie Fricken’ Rochellle’s Who’s On First? has been in first place for two months. I guess it’s time to start taking her seriously.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Do you think the Booyah Network has enough self-awareness to know The Onion is busting on them about their needless over-production, pointless swooshing noises, and vapid commentary? Nah. Probably not.

Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight Title

BTW, I particularly like the “Steam Room.”

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By Pedregoso Rios
Just ‘cuz.

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By Pedregoso Rios
Sorry, boys and girls, I have a bachelor party--which begins with a round of golf shortly--to attend to this weekend. I can’t concern myself with no gosh durn blog entries. I’ll update the standings and stats, but that’s all you’re getting out of me. And if I so much as suspect that you’re thinking about making my phone ring on Sunday morning as I’m nursing my hangover, I’ll hunt you down in your future dreams.

Type atchya’ Monday morning.

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