By Rube Furrow
A big tip of the Santa Lechuga cap to David Edison, the grand champion of the 4-H Club hog show at the Santa Lechuga County Fair this year. With his two-year-old, 225-pound pig named Cameltowing Inc., Edison blew away the rest of the swine competition. Along the way, Cameltowing also destroyed the field in this year's Santa Lechuga Power League competition, earning a hearty handshake and a sweet little check for $540. Congratulations to Cameltowing Inc.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL WINNERS: Please respond with your preferred snail mail address so Rube can send your check. Check below to see if you're a winner. If you're a loser, Rube doesn't want to hear from you (unless it’s to pay an outstanding balance). Because you're a loser.

It was a memorable season at SLPL, with Mark Olivarria scratching and clawing his way to a playoff championship even after his beloved Dodgers folded like a cheap card table in the postseason and with Suzie Rochelllllle adding sizzle to her life with a surprise regular season championship (word is she's using her winnings to purchase the alcohol for this year's Notre Dame-Stanford tailgate). On the other hand, to our deep disappointment, the SLPL was shut out yet again in the Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. Rube about crapped the other night when he turned on the FOX Network (slogan: "We're here to drive away baseball fans during the World Series") to find Robin Roberts throwing out the first pitch and looking fit as a fiddle. D'OH!!!

By the way, is it just me or does Johnny Damon spend his off season filming those Geico caveman commercials?

Anyway, thanks to everyone for participating in this year's SLPL. And, remember, today may be the saddest day of the year, but spring training is only four months away!

Rube Furrow

2009 Champs

Playoff Champs
Overall Champ - David Edison, Cameltowing, Inc.
Playoff Champ - Mark Olivarria, Dodger Blue
Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool – N/A*

*No champ was named for the Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool since none of the soon-to-be worm-fooders chose to die this season. Again. Dangit.

Regular Season Champs
Regular Season Champ - Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?
Hitting Champ - Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?
Pitching Champ - Tony Livernois, Pepino Monos
Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ - Sue Klinkhamer, Natsox
A-Cox Division Champ - Jim Johnson, Bad Spinach
Bleed-T-Birds Division Champ - David Edison, Cameltowing, Inc.
Chowder-Suck Division Champ - Mark Olivarria, Dodger Blue
El-Wee! Division Champ - Scott Forstner, Forty Ounce Guzzlers
Guzz-Nats Division Champ - Jeren Livernois, Keep on Shockin'
Pat-Scoot Division Champ - Ray Jasutis, Pathetics
Semper-Bing Division Champ - Dan Klinkhamer, Tacky Cardias
Ninja-Zitos Division Champ - Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?

All-Star Co-Champs
Brandon Olivarria, Bleed Blue
Marc Cabrera & Laith Agha, Chowder Clam
Scott Forstner, Forty Ounce Guzzlers
Vince Livernois, Hahnyacher
Dan Klinkhamer, Tacky Cardias
Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?

2009 Payouts

$540 - David Edison, Cameltowing, Inc.
$540 - Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?

$305 - Dan Klinkhamer, Tacky Cardias, 3rd Place Hitting Standings + Semper-Bing Division Champ + All-Star Co-Champ

$275 - Mark Olivarria, Dodger Blue, Playoff Champ + Chowder-Suck Division Champ

$155 - Scott Forstner, Forty Ounce Guzzlers, El-Wee! Division Champ + All-Star Co-Champ

$150 - Tony Livernois, Pepino Monos, Pitching Champ
$150 - Sue Klinkhamer, Natsox, Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ

$125 - Jim Johnson, Bad Spinach, A-Cox Division Champ
$125 - Vern Fisher, Cantrell's House, 2nd Place Bleed-T-Birds Division
$125 - Jeren Livernois, Keep on Shockin', Guzz-Nats Division Champ
$125 - Ray Jasutis, Pathetics, Pat-Scoot Division Champ
$125 - Katie Jane Surratt, Team of Ninjaviduals, 2nd Place Ninja-Zitos Division

$30 - Brandon Olivarria, Bleed Blue, All-Star Co-Champ
$30 - Marc Cabrera & Laith Agha, Chowder Clam, All-Star Co-Champ
$30 - Vince Livernois, Hahnyacher, All-Star Co-Champ

Playoffs: At-A-Glance | Overall | Hitting Stats | Pitching Stats | Team Stats | Past Leaders
Final Regular Season: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders | All-Star
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
The Santa Lechuga Power League crowned David "Eddie" Edison, owner of Cameltowing, Inc., as the official 2009 Overall Champ Wednesday night, making him the first-ever two-time champ in the 109-year history of the SLPL. "I can't believe I'm the first two-time champ," Eddie said. "I know this league has had some dominant teams over the years. "You go grow up hearing about legendary early championship teams like 'Teddy's Bull Moose' and ''Teapot Foam Scandal" and you can't believe you did something they never did. This is a rockin' league with a storied history, and I'm proud that Cameltowing, Inc., will go down in history as the first-ever two-time champ."

After last night's World Series game, Commissioner Rube Furrow presented Eddie with one of those huge whiteboard checks for $540. "Cameltowing is a team for the ages. To do something that teams like 'I Like Trikes' and 'Rosalynn's Peanut Farmer' were never able to do is simply incredible," Furrow said. "The ghost of teams past are looking down in awe at what Eddie accomplished this season."

Meanwhile, Furrow congratulated last year's champ, Mark Olivarria of Dodger Blue for being crowned the Playoff Champ. "Mark made a slew of trades at the end of the season. And while he wasn't able to make up enough ground during the playoffs to win it all, he's to be congratulated for winning the Playoffs.

Here are all the official champs and payouts for the 2009 season:

2009 Champs

Playoff Champs
Overall Champ - David Edison, Cameltowing, Inc.
Playoff Champ - Mark Olivarria, Dodger Blue
Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool – N/A*

*No champ was named for the Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool since none of the soon-to-be worm-fooders chose to die this season. Again. Dangit.

Regular Season Champs
Regular Season Champ - Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?
Hitting Champ - Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?
Pitching Champ - Tony Livernois, Pepino Monos
Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ - Sue Klinkhamer, Natsox
A-Cox Division Champ - Jim Johnson, Bad Spinach
Bleed-T-Birds Division Champ - David Edison, Cameltowing, Inc.
Chowder-Suck Division Champ - Mark Olivarria, Dodger Blue
El-Wee! Division Champ - Scott Forstner, Forty Ounce Guzzlers
Guzz-Nats Division Champ - Jeren Livernois, Keep on Shockin'
Pat-Scoot Division Champ - Ray Jasutis, Pathetics
Semper-Bing Division Champ - Dan Klinkhamer, Tacky Cardias
Ninja-Zitos Division Champ - Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?

All-Star Co-Champs
Brandon Olivarria, Bleed Blue
Marc Cabrera & Laith Agha, Chowder Clam
Scott Forstner, Forty Ounce Guzzlers
Vince Livernois, Hahnyacher
Dan Klinkhamer, Tacky Cardias
Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?

2009 Payouts

$540 - David Edison, Cameltowing, Inc.
$540 - Suzie Rochellle, Who’s On First?

$305 - Dan Klinkhamer, Tacky Cardias, 3rd Place Hitting Standings + Semper-Bing Division Champ + All-Star Co-Champ

$275 - Mark Olivarria, Dodger Blue, Playoff Champ + Chowder-Suck Division Champ

$155 - Scott Forstner, Forty Ounce Guzzlers, El-Wee! Division Champ + All-Star Co-Champ

$150 - Tony Livernois, Pepino Monos, Pitching Champ
$150 - Sue Klinkhamer, Natsox, Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ

$125 - Jim Johnson, Bad Spinach, A-Cox Division Champ
$125 - Vern Fisher, Cantrell's House, 2nd Place Bleed-T-Birds Division
$125 - Jeren Livernois, Keep on Shockin', Guzz-Nats Division Champ
$125 - Ray Jasutis, Pathetics, Pat-Scoot Division Champ
$125 - Katie Jane Surratt, Team of Ninjaviduals, 2nd Place Ninja-Zitos Division

$30 - Brandon Olivarria, Bleed Blue, All-Star Co-Champ
$30 - Marc Cabrera & Laith Agha, Chowder Clam, All-Star Co-Champ
$30 - Vince Livernois, Hahnyacher, All-Star Co-Champ

Congrats to all out winners and thanks everyone for joining us this season! We look forward to seeing you all next season.

Pedregoso Rios
VP of Creepy

P.S. If you haven't paid your ownership and trade fees, get on it already. We need to cut some championship checks! (Check Who Owes What to see what you owe. And if you've already paid and we haven't noted it, please let us know.) Send your check to:

Joe Livernois
459 Echo Valley Road
Salinas, CA 93907

If it's more convenient you can pay your derelict debt on PayPal.

Playoffs: At-A-Glance | Overall | Hitting Stats | Pitching Stats | Team Stats | Past Leaders
Final Regular Season: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders | All-Star
Pay Already! PayPal

By Rube Furrow
So the Giants are 10 games over .500 at the All-Star break, Jonathan Sanchez has pitched the most improbable no-hitter in history, Albert Pujols did not win the Home Run Derby and Suzie Rochellle is enjoying Europe content in the knowledge that she’s leading the Santa Lechuga Power League.

Has the space-time continuum gone kablooey? Has the universe been sucked into a black hole? Has the current administration poisoned our water systems with hallucinogenics?

I mean, really! Suzie Rochellle dominating the SLPL at midseason? There is no plausible explanation for this. During the entire proud 125-year history of SLPL, Suzie’s teams have been traditional bottom-dwellers.

This is such a suspicious turn of events that I, in my position as commissioner, have launched a full-scale investigation into the matter. I have selected a qualified and expensive Blue-Ribbon Committee to look into the Suzie Rochellle Scandal and I expect a full report on my desk by the end of the month.

Other than the Suzie Rochellle Scandal, the SLPL appears to be in great shape this year. Rube Furrow’s own team, Willie Bobs, has successfully cemented its year-long position as the 39th best team in the league, a team called “Pathetics” (Ray Jasutis) is actually leading its division, and two newcomers to the league (Nate Meyers' Apocalypse Dudes and Mark Merfeld's Shankopotamus) are in the top-five overall at midseason.

VP of Creepy Pedregoso Rios seems to be impressed that SLPL has more than $2,200 in the payout pot so far, which means that lots of teams have been making lots of trades. Commissioner Rube Furrow is not quite so impressed, mainly because the league is in arrears by about $1,500 at midseason, which means that lots of teams have been making a lot of trades but not paying for them. (Hint: Pay early and pay often.)

Kudos to Pedregoso for a great SLPL Web presence this year. We’re twittered in, up to date and the best damn fantasy league in the world, because we say we are.

Have a great second half.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders | All-Star
Pay Already! PayPal

By Rube Furrow
The crocus are abloom, the goats are birthing, and the infielders are adjusting their cups. Yes, it’s springtime in Santa Lechuga!

And, yes, the Santa Lechuga Power League is back for another season. Nearly bigger and most definitely better than ever. Thanks to SLPL VP of Creepy Pedregoso Rios, we’ve got a tasteful new Web presence. We’re Twittering. We’ve even got an inexplicable link to The Onion, the first of what will be lots of inexplicable links during the season.

Better yet, Commissioner Rube Furrow is thrilled that we’ve weeded out the deadbeats (whatever happened to Kenny Ottmar, anyway?). And we’ve replaced them with a terrific rookie class of owners who have enthusiastically paid their entry fees already. This pleases Rube greatly.

Rube welcomes the Merfelds, Mark and Kevin, despite their affinity for LA teams. Rube welcomes Dave Adrian, who Rube wouldn’t know from a hole in the ground but already admires due to his swift payment of the entry fee and due to his appropriate selection of a team name. Rube welcomes a past-owner back into the league, Scott Allen (or was that Allen Scott?) and hopes his ScootBigs do his name justice. Rube welcomes the Thornburg Boys--Brian, Adrian, and Benjamin--who have put their heads together to create a team that is already impressing the scouts. Rube welcomes Nate Meyers, who bit on Pedregoso's Facebook bait and chose a team name that we hope applies to a lot of our Hall-of-Famers. Rube welcomes Matt Ramirez and sends best wishes for a successful season to the Cougars (Kane County). Rube welcomes Ray Jasutis, who put the "pathetic" in Athletics. Rube welcomes Joe DeLeo and expects big things from his Batterbings. And Rube welcomes the Klinkhamer, Cline & Cline crew and hopes they ride their horses hard to a good finish.

And Rube welcomes back all our great competitors from the awesome 2008 season, including reigning champ Mark Olivarria.

Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Past Leaders
Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
While we’re getting our acts together, why not spend some time getting familiar with the website and all our links? For example, check out the ’09 Stuff tab and all the links. Or, explore all the links under the MLB tab, which keeps you up-to-date on all things related to Major League Baseball.

(Okay, so we’re trying to buy some time over here. We’ll get the standings and stats up as soon as we can, we promise!)

Pay Already! PayPal

By Pedregoso Rios
The 2009 Santa Lechuga Power League began yesterday with 48 teams joining the fun, up from last season’s 42 teams. “It’s well short of the 60 teams but we were hoping to have, but we’re taking the long-view,” Commissioner Rube Furrow said. “There’s no riff-raff this season. The veteran teams are all gamers, no doubt, and the new teams look really tough, so we we’re thinking this will be one heck of a competitive season.”

Furrow said 11 new owners have joined the league. “We lost a few, but we gained a lot. The few that we lost were real deadbeats, anyway,” Furrow said. “A couple of them never paid. Worse, they never even tried to be competitive by making trades.”

Last year’s champ Mark Olivarria, owner of Dodger Blue, said he was excited for the new season. “I hope to be the first owner to win back-to-back championships,” Olivarria said. “To those of you who think I can’t do it, I have one word for you: Bring it!!!”

A few administrative things...

First, league officials indicated that standings and stats will not be posted until this weekend at the earliest. “We say this every year, only to get them up in a day or two, but this season we mean it,” VP of Creepy Pedregoso Rios said. “Look, we’re busy. We’ll get to it when we get to it. But once we get to it, it’ll run like a top for the rest of the season. So, relax. Watch some actual games. Then check back here this weekend.”

Second, even though we haven’t posted the standings and stats, you can still make trades. Trades during the first month of the season are $5. If you have a trade, e-mail Rube and Pedregoso with your trades.

Third, Commissioner Furrow will soon be sending a hearty welcome to owners. Be on the lookout for it.

Home, owners should check the list below to confirm that their teams are listed. If you’re not on the list, we didn’t get your roster. Please re-send it to Rube and Pedregoso ASAP.

2009 Teams & Owners
• A Team To Be Named Later, Sue Klinkhamer
• Apocalypse Dudes, Nate Meyers
• Athletic Supporters, Peggy Bocox
• Bad Spinach, Jim Johnson
• Bauer's Bandits, Julie Pankoke
• Big Cox, Jeff Cox
• Bleed Blue, Brandon Olivarria
• BM Blasters, Bill & Maggie Cunning
• Cabbage Farmers, Paul Martin
• Cameltowing, Inc., Dave Edison
• Cantrell's House, Vern Visher
• Carrboro T-Birds, Brian Thornburg, Adrian Thornburg, & Benjamin Thornburg
• Chowder Clam, Marc Cabrera & Laith Agha
• Cougar Hunter, Matt Ramirez
• Democratic Alliance for the Betterment of Hong Kong, Ian Hicks
• Dodger BlueMark Olivarria
• Dongwhipped, Kevin Klinkhamer
• Ed Sox (Yankees Suck), Ed Gross
• El Hombre, Kevin Merfeld
• Fetacelli Rats, Michael Pieper
• Forty Ounce Guzzlers, Scott Forstner
• Full Circuits, Bill Cunning
• G.O.P.d Their Pants, Kathy Livernois
• Guao Wee!, Richard Livernois
• Guzzlyn Suds, Guzzlyn Suds
• Hahnyacher, Vince Livernois
• Hatchetwound, David Adrian
• Highlanders 2009, Rick Coppock
• Keep on Shockin', Jeren Livernois
• Natsox, Sue Klinkhamer
• Pathetics, Ray Jasutis
• Pelons, Matt Martin
• Pepino Monos, Pedregoso Rios
• Sandyeggo Trippers, Jack Tripp
• Santa Anna's, Santa Anna's
• ScootBigs, Scott Allen
• Semper Fidelis Bulldogs, Danielle Collier
• Shankopotamus, Mark Merfeld
• Strokes, Aaron Pankoke
• Summer Sausages, Jim Hicks
• Tacky Cardias, Dan Klinkhamer
• Team Batterbing, Joe DeLeo
• Team of Ninjaviduals, Katie Jane Surratt
• Tres Caballeros, Klinkhamer/Cline
• Washington Bullets, Jim Cummings
• Who’s On First?, Suzie Rochellle
• Willie Bobs, Joe Livernois
• Zippin Zitos, Meg Cox

Welcome to the '09 SLPL! Good luck!

Pay Already! PayPal